Gimme a Break Hollywood!


I knew I’d get around to writing this someday. It just amazes me what Movie script writers, directors, producers think people in the twenty-first century will buy!

It all started for me way back there. Watching movies of Hells Angel’s motorcycles with a two-stroke sound track! Everyone that’s been on the planet longer than 15 years knows that a ring a ding two-stroke is the furthest thing from a Harley exhaust note! Jeez.   Well they’re finally got it right but it took them half a century or better to do it.

While I was in the Army my last job for them was being a maintenance technician on the XM-61 Vulcan gun system. It’s the big brother to the mini guns mounted on helicopters that we were all introduced to during the Viet Nam War.  Mini Guns, Vulcan’s and the big 30mm in the Warthogs shoot really fast. Over three times as fast as the cyclic rate of the old M-60 7.62 machine gun. In fact these guns don’t go rat-ta-tat-tat. They just make this deep low rumble or a burp if you will. You can’t hear the individual shots. The Vulcan had a high rate of fire of 3000 rounds per minute. That’s cooking Bro. The Airforce Vulcan’s shot at double that speed, 6000 rpm. Yep really fast.  So what does Hollywood do? Well they think it’ll be cool to show Jessie Ventura, and Arnold shooting a 5.56 (M-16 caliber) mini gun off the hip like some twentieth century gunslinger. Ah afraid not guys. First of all neither Jesse Ventura, Arnold or any other human could control the muzzle climb of a full on mini gun no matter what size. Then to add insult to injury, Jessie has a 200 round back pack on!  Well lets see even shooting at 3000 rpm about all that would do is to load the feed system. One long burst and guess what? Your out!  In the movie Predator it shows them standing there blazing the jungle to the ground with a seemingly endless supply of ammo to now dead Jessie’s minnie gun. Shit.  And then Hollywood still didn’t get it right, they made it sound like some sort of yuppie blender when it was shooting. They still had to have a bit of rat-tat-tat in the sound just so us dumb asses out in movie land would understand that it’s a machine gun. God I hate some moron in Hollywood who’s never even heard the real McCoy fire, telling me this is how it is.

Being in the Army for three years also gives me insight into how real soldiers look, and act. First of all lots of the Hollywood movies about the military show non NCO types back talking and disobeying orders from NCO, and officers as if it’s just routine. It’s not routine at least when I was in. You kept your mouth shut to anyone above your pay grade and it didnt’ matter what he said to you either. You sure as hell didn’t mouth off to officers at all!

Then I also like these guys running around with civilian hair cuts, lots of hair on the sides and neck. And this isn’t just left to the privates and NCOs nope it goes all the way up to generals. It wasn’t like that in the real Army folks. No sir. So if Hollywood wants to impress me, call in a bunch of us old farts that were in the Army as advisors. Hell I could tell them all sorts of things! LOL!  I don’t know who the movie people are using for advisors but they sure as hell don’t know sheep turds from coffee beans about the military. Because the movie people are such screaming liberals they probably have some dick head in there that’s a liberal and never been in the service. It figures to me at least.

The best military film I”ve seen in a long time was Full Metal Jacket. The first part of the film is really accurate. Gunnery Sargent Hartman is the closest thing I’ve seen Hollywood come up with as a drill instructor. I had DI’s in basic that sounded exactly like old gunny Hartman.  Given he was a Marine drill instructor but there’s little difference between an Army DI and a Marine DI, they both say and do the same things.

I’ve always liked drag racing. I’ve participated in it in the past and once it gets to you it never leaves. I’m starting to get ill over more Hollywood bullshit that I’ve seen that seems to be infecting our sacred drag racing sport. I saw some TV show the other night and it had turned a drag strip into a stupid quiz game and freak show. The deal was this; there were three people behind dumb little contestant stands just like some horseshit  quiz show. They were shown some different class drag cars and were asked to write down their idea of the car’s ET (elapsed time). Then the car they just looked at made a burn out and a pass down the drag strip and the closest predicted et won.  I never won any of the races, and you wanna know why? Because I always picked a second faster et. This is based on my knowledge of drag race vehicles. Ok if you have a 650-750 cubic inch motor in a tube frame race car that weighs  about 2400 lbs and uses a Lenco trans it should run mid to low 7’s all day long. If it don’t then there’s something wrong with the tune up. I was seeing these cars with two and three stage nitrous systems running in the middle 8’s. The guys that own these cars aren’t gonna flog them hard for some stupid show like this. So where’s the truth then? It’s just all bullshit that’s what it is. The guy running this blasphemous show had a mohawk hair cut to boot! They had flashing red and blue lights inside these cars that some dipshit decided needed to be in there, makes me wanna puke! I hate to say it but drag racing seems to be more Walt Disnified every day. Next thing ya know some moron dressed up like Goofy or Pluto will be making passes in between rounds at national events.

Well that’s my rant for today. I just want Hollywood to treat us all with a little more respect for our general intellect.

Cars are still blowing up into a fireball when they are even bumped, much less run down and embankment or flipped over. And you can shoot anything that’s even remotely flammable and it will instantly blow up. Horsepucky. Because I’ve done lots of shooting and reloading I can tell you there are no bullets short of tracers that will make any sort of spark even if they impact steel. Why? Because most of the bullets are made of either solid copper or lead with a copper jacket. Last time I checked copper didn’t make any sort of spark no matter how hard I tried. I was watching a Mythbusters episode where Kari and Mr. Know-it-all Grant Imahara were trying to get a 100lb propane cylinder to explode. They shot an empty one first, and guess what? The 9mm they shot it with didn’t have enough striking energy to even go thru it!~ Ha I could have told them that. They did get a 12 gauge shotgun slug to penetrate one side of the tank. Then they tried a 30-06. Of course it went thru. So then they got a full 100 lb propane cylinder and tried the same thing. The 30-06 went thru the full tank but never set it on fire either. Why? Because propane needs to be atomized. It needs to be within its correct stoichometric air/fuel mixture before it will light. 1 gallon of propane liquid will produce 270 cubic feet of vapor. There are 23 gallons of propane liquid in a 100 lb propane cylinder filled to 85%. It needs to get all that into vapor before you get any sort of explosion. They finally managed to do that will some C4 and an existing flame I think. The problem with shooting a propane tank or gasoline tank with a gun is that the bullet will go thru the tank so fast that it will not light the contents even if it could. Mythbusters even shot the tank with tracers and nothing happened. It’s because the contents of the tank was still in liquid form more or less. Propane has a narrow envelope of ignition. It also has a fairly high ignition temperature around 926 degrees F. Higher even than gasoline. Most people think propane is so dangerous like it’s just waiting to blow your house or barbecue down. Not true. It’s no worse than natural gas. Just a molecule or two  away from it actually. So when you see a car blow up because some hero like James Bond shot the gas tank just say “pulllleeeeze~!”   If your new car flips over with you in it chances are real slim it will instantly blow up. I’m not saying to play a game of chess in your inverted automobile of course not, but the car folks that build stuff nowadays take these things into design considerations.

Ok now I really am done.

Dave

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