I thought I’d sneak in a quick story about today Dave doesn’t know I’m on the computer again. I have a tough time with the keyboard but I figured out how to do those stupid little buttons with my toe nails.
I think a keyboard for a dog would be pretty big. So lately I’ve been hanging out with Dave in the shop. It’s too wet and cold to have much fun chasing the ball outside, but I’ll do that in any weather though.
Dave has been making lots of sparks and bright blue lights in the shop. I think he calls it welding and he has this gadget that hisses really loud and shoots lots of orange sparks all over the floor. He calls that thing a “plasma cutter?” Beats me what a plasma cutter is, sounds sorta final to my dog ears. I like to snoop in the shop, there are all sorts of new smells out there, and new deely-bobs to play with. I get kinda dusty when I’m in there but Dave usually blows me off with this hose like gadget that sounds like a big snake. It gets all those silver curly que things outa my hair too. Dave said those are metal shavings. I don’t know what he’s up to but he’s working on that Oldsmobile car of his. I love riding around in it! I’m getting excited just thinking about it, pant pant! Sorry, but I feel like I’m real cool sitting in my own seat in that car. There’s no back seat so it must be my seat then right? Dave said it was anyway. I believe him.
The other night when I went out side with Dave I chased this damn raccoon clear over to the neighbor’s house! Boy that was fun! I almost got him too. Dave told me to leave them alone says they might hurt me. I wouldn’t bite one I just like to chase them. They look real funny running, kinda pear shaped ya know?
I’ve been shedding a lot lately. I don’t know why either. Dave has to run that noisy yellow thing all over the floors three or four times a week. Sometimes I think I make a lot of work for him but he never complains a bit about that. He’s always telling me I’m the cutest dog in the world, and that he loves me so I guess he’s not mad at me. He takes lots of pictures of me too. I guess maybe he forgets what I look like from one week to the next maybe? He says he’s gonna brush my teeth one of these days! Gosh I wonder what that’s about? What’s a brush? He says I’ll like it. I don’t think so.
The guy next door with the smelly truck came by the other day. He drove that stinking noisy thing past our house and out onto the highway. I keep seeing this shiny metallic looking stuff coming out of the back end along with lots of black smoke. The guy that drives this thing smells funny too. He smells like he’s unhappy. His wife smells like she’s scared. I wonder if he scares her?
I wish Steve and Gabriella would come over. I love playing with Gabby. Her little voice hurts my ears when she screams, but she does that because she’s having fun playing ball with me. She’s so small. I have to be careful I don’t bump into her, cause I knocked her down one time. It was an accident. I didn’t get in trouble for it either. Steve is nice and he talks to his little girl a lot. I think he said she’s autistic whatever that means. She seems okay to me. In fact I think she understands me better than a lot of humans do except for Dave. I can’t get away with anything around him. I don’t care because he takes me most places with him.
I scared Chris and Jenaie’s little girl the other day. She started crying. Jenaie isn’t ascared of me though. She’s real pretty too. Chris is nice and he pets me a lot. Jenaie said her little girl cries easily. I wonder why humans do that so much? Seems to me they are pretty nervous bunch.
Dave took me into town the other day. I was sitting in the car in the back seat. Dave doesn’t lock the doors when he goes into the stores, I wouldn’t let anyone get in the car but him anyways. Well this guy that I didn’t like comes walking up to the car. He smelled real funny. Had this sort of chemical like smell on him like maybe he took a bath in Ammonia or something that Dave sprays on his glasses to clean them. I could smell other things on this guy. He was dishonest too. That’s a real bad smell. It’s a real heavy scent. I don’t think humans can smell stuff like this. I also got a whiff of something dangerous about him. Like maybe he had hurt someone a long time ago, but was still capable of doing it at any time. So he comes up and looks in the window. I sat real still until he had part of his face inside the driver’s window, then I snarled really loud and wrinkled up my lips so my teeth was showing. I tried to look real mean, it musta worked because he said something like “holy shit!” He jerked his head back out of the car. He walked away real fast. Dave doesn’t know about this. I think he’d get mad if he did.
I went up to Dave’s friends place in Welches! Boy that was fun! New smells coming in the window faster than I could figure them! I got sorta dizzy from all the new smells! Cool! I met Allen and Lorie’s two doggies, Tequila and Fitzmiller. I think there’s something wrong with Fitzmiller. He’s what Laurie calls a Basset Hound. He’s misshapen little thing, looks more like a footstool than a dog. He’s got these real stubby little legs and long floppy ears. He’s cranky and tries to start fights with me. He even nipped at my front legs the other day. I was on my best behavior at their house so I never shook the little bastard like I wanted to. Dave almost tripped over his little “footstool ass” the other day. He gets right in the way all the time. Dave taught me to stay out of his way and to wait until he goes thru a door before I go out. He always lets me out 99% of the time anyway so why be pushy huh? Fitzmiller is real pushy and he’s as dumb as the foot stool he resembles. Tequila is an older lady. She’s not cranky and shitty like “footstool” is. She reminds me of a sophisticated older lady. She finally started being nice to me when she saw what gentledog I am. Fitzmiller is gross too! He started farting because Laurie fed him some left over refried beans. Man that was bad! I asked Dave to take me out for some fresh air because my dog nose was toast! We went home after that last insult. Dave likes those people and I do too but I don’t much care for Fitzmiller the Footstool. Laurie likes me and she kisses me a lot and tells me how big I am. I don’t think I’m that big, she’s just around too many little “foot stool” doggies! Snort, snort! Pant pant. Dave told me not to pay any attention to Fitzmiller and that I was a good dog for not turning the little bastard inside out. I wanted to but that’s not nice in someone else’s house. Laurie is nice to me; I like it when she kisses me because she’s pretty and cute in a human sorta way. She smells good too. She makes me feel good around her. I think she’s a good animal human. She has a couple of horses too. I talked to one of the horses the other day and he said that Laurie treats him really pretty good. He likes it when she rides him. He also told me that Fitzmiller was a real pain in the ass. He said he almost stepped on his sorry little ass the other day because he followed Laurie into the barn and then ran into the stable. He scared her horse and he almost stepped on “foot stool” by accident. Gee that’d be too bad.
I don’t get to see my Golden Retriever girlfriend any more. Her name is Emma. Dave told me with tears in his eyes that she’s sick and probably wouldn’t live very long. Her eye looked real funny the last time I seen it. I feel bad about that. I liked Emma a lot. Humans think a lot of us dogs most of the time. At least the good ones do. I know they get really upset when something goes wrong with us dogs. They had to give me this stuff at the vet’s office that made me get really sleepy and I just passed out for a while. I was pretty groggy when Dave picked me up and he worried about me all night. He was on the phone with the vet’s office for a while. He kept waking me up and petting me. He even brought my water dish in next to me. I was thirsty too. I drank a lot of water. Boy I had a heck of hang over from that deal at the vet’s office. I asked Dave what they did and he said that they X-Rayed my hips whatever that is. It never hurt so I guess its okay.
I knocked out one of my little tiny front lower teeth the other day on ball duty and Dave was sad and kinda upset. He tells me to “take it easy on myself.” I was just havin fun is all. Besides it don’t hurt any. My vet is this pretty gal, Dave seems to think she’s pretty good. She told Dave that doggies don’t have much feeling in their teeth. I think she’s right.
Dave sure talks to me a lot. Sometimes I don’t’ know what he’s talking about but I like it anyway! Makes me smile.
Anyway it’s fun hanging out with Dave. I never know what we’re gonna do from one day to the next. I like Dave’s friends. Ron is really nice to me all the time and lets me ride around in the back of his Blazer with Dave. Most of Dave’s friends aren’t ascared of me anymore. I used to make them sit in their cars when they drove up. Now they just get out and I take my ball over to them and we get a game started sometimes.
I can’t wait for summer to get here. More hose games with Dave!
Zephyr Proffitt
David W. Proffitt 
Yup!